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Today I wanted to make cookies.

May. 29th, 2013 | 11:39 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Now I bake. I'm a master. You give me a recipe and I can make it. (So far, at least. My fancy scale isn't too high but taste is off the chart.) But I can't do cookies for whatever reason. I also don't do frosting. They frustrate me to no end and the end product is normally looks nice and is edible- I try to stay away because it's stressful.

But today I wanted to make cookies because I really wanted to try this frosting tutorial I found that might cure my hatred of frosting. I was excited. I bought little plastic containers that I could frost with. I was all set.

And then I started thinking about the cookies and reading the recipe and it seemed like it would just take forever and I would make a mess while attempting to roll out the cookie dough. And I didn't have an adequate cookie cutter and for whatever reason I needed not only vanilla extract but almond and lemon as well. And then I was short two sticks of butter.

And I freaked myself out. I decided I would go to the store for the missing ingredients if someone went with me. But no one wanted to. So I packed it up and decided cookies weren't worth the stress. I didn't make any cookies.

And sitting here now- I totally see that my approach to baking cookies is the same as my approach to life. I start to think about it then freak out and do nothing- even if in the end I know the result won't be so bad.

This isn't going to end well.

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Got my first C in a class.

Apr. 29th, 2013 | 01:00 am
mood: depresseddepressed

Which was quickly followed by another C(+).

Last semester I had been horrified when I got two B's.

This just hurts.

And I haven't even taken my last exam yet. And because he hasn't graded my paper yet, everything is so in the air in that class I might get a B.

A, A, B, C+, C is not acceptable.

My GPA is forever ruined. I have nothing else to be proud of.

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La di dum

Feb. 20th, 2013 | 01:02 am
mood: giddygiddy

I had to take my MGMT exam twice and was pretty annoyed with it.

And then I got a B which is better than stats and accounting but I was still disappointed because I'm still a bit crazy when it comes to grades.

Then I found out the highest grade in the class was only six points more than me- a measly three multiple choice questions.

Feeling pleased as can be.

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I am so unbelievably sad.

Feb. 14th, 2013 | 10:13 pm
mood: despondent
music: My own sorrow

So I was really happy today.

Until I walked into my accounting class and found out I got a 69% on the exam. I was totally gutted. But I still had a statistics exam at seven so I couldn't think about it.

Grades just went up for the stats exam. I got a fucking 57%.

I'm going to go and just cry.

I took five exams between this and last week. (Technically six since my one professor made me take the same exam twice on account of a computer error.)

I have two A's and two grades that make me feel stupid and worthless.

It's only the exam that I had to take twice that needs to be graded now. I don't have high hopes.

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I ended up at anouther club... Again.

Jan. 31st, 2013 | 08:21 pm
mood: sleepysleepy

It was last Friday and I went with a co-worker and two of her friends.

This one was actually a lot of fun although more expensive than I find myself willing to pay ever again. But it's nice to know not all clubs are miserable. This one was a lot like demf actually. It got me excited for warm weather and techno.

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Things change so quickly, it's weird.

Jan. 14th, 2013 | 07:32 pm
mood: apatheticapathetic
music: The Hint- Plus One Minus One (Le Youth Remix)

I was looking through some of my old posts and I re-read when I had been freaking out that I thought I had failed an econ exam. And then I look at the semester that just ended, when I got a 48% on my stats final before the curve and it didn't even phase me. (For the record I got a B in the class, ahem.)

And it's kind of funny how what causes you to have an emotional break down not even a year later won't matter at all anymore.

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Twenty years and a few months

Sep. 3rd, 2012 | 11:36 pm
mood: awakeawake
music: The New Boy- Mando Diao

-Get drunk,at least twice.
-Go dancing.
-Get really dressed up, heels included.
-Receive first kiss.
-Write something spectacular
-Choose a major
-Do something spontaneous under the cloak of night
-Hold someone's hand

Ahem. So there's that then.

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I have a permanent blush on my face.

Sep. 1st, 2012 | 12:32 am
mood: nervousnervous
music: Hips Don't Lie- Shakira

This boy.


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Emotions are stupid.

Jun. 15th, 2012 | 12:19 am
music: Better Than You (feat. MIA)- Rye Rye

The boy I was in love with in the 8th grade came into my work today with his dad.

I could tell it was him before he even walked through the door- I caught a glimpse of him through the window and my heart hurt. And it was stupid because 8th grade ended six years ago.

Something is clearly wrong with me.

I need to invest in a life.

On the bright side- I bought tickets to see Liverpool v Toronto. It's totally worth my boss thinking I'm weird for internationally stalking a soccer team.


At least Liverpool is a distant entity which I can superficially put all my affection into without fear of rejection or once a year visits to my place of work that hurt my heart. Oh god. I'm ridiculous.

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"Be zen."

Apr. 8th, 2012 | 09:58 pm
mood: pessimisticpessimistic

I've been trying to tell myself lately that I need to calm down and just stop caring about all the things that have been pissing me off lately. And a lot of things have, indeed, been pissing me off. And as I'm telling myself this, I can't help but think the phrase, "Be zen."

But then I think of the scene with Julien in the car with his father- telling him those exact same words and his father going ape shit on him- stopping the car mid traffic and shouting, "BE ZEN?! ZEN?!"

And then I think- maybe calm isn't the answer. Maybe I should be pissed off? Maybe anger is the appropriate emotion in some circumstances?

And then I look at the other side because that's always been my downfall- being able to see both sides of the argument clearly when I really only want to see one because one is simple. One is easy. One is clear.

I think- maybe not caring is better? Just straight up- destroy all my emotional investments I have placed in my friends, job, and school and stop giving a fuck. Whatever will be, will be.

I don't know. I've been really unproductive since finding out my exam was graded wrong. I've been unable to do anything at all. I just exist in a semi-angry state and don't know what to do with myself.

I went to church today for Orthodox Palm Sunday. My dress was too short and I felt incredibly unclassy and trampy.

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